Are You Over Giving?
Getting You All Loved Up!!
and Learning to Be Self Nurturing
One of my favourite traditions on Mothers’ Day from the time I was 5 years old was making Mum a cuppa tea and toast in bed and see the look of wonder, love and surprise on her face as I carried it in to her on a tray. The tea was too milky and lukewarm, the toast was cold and torn with holes after a battle with the too hard butter and, of course, too much IXL marmalade. And yet Mum made out that it was one of the wonders of the modern age.
Since I left home at 17 I have Celebrated all those people in my life – as well as my Mother- who have made a difference to my life. We all know those people in our life, those who have seen us for ourselves and loved us anyway. Who have made us feel special and important and reminded us of who we truly are. Now is the time to Celebrate them.
Later in life, during my late 20s and into my 30’s, I was a happy, very loving and very involved step mother for 7.5 years with all the heart-ache and joy that very special role brings. I also began to notice all those others in Life that give so generously, quietly doing what they do to make Life seamless and easier for those around them. Now is the time to Celebrate them.
Mother’s Day is the time to Celebrate the Mothers. That bond is spiritual, profound and irreplacable. Even if the relationship is healthy, unhealthy or non-exisitant.
By honouring the Mother we honour the Mothering spirit within all of us, allowing us to open our hearts unconditionally. And to learn to Mother self, to love Self in a way that we always wanted to be loved.
Mothers’ Day is a time to celebrate that. The kindness, generosity and nurturing, a time to be grateful for the nurturers, the caring and the kind. In fact many of you are That person to many of those around you.
Many of the clients I see in clinic give a lot in all parts of their lives and forget to support and nurture themselves.
The Nurturing Meditation Special Event was created for this reason almost 20 years ago, and was fully booked last Wednesday night. It is offered each year around Mothers’ Day to assist you to heal yourself and your relationship with your Mum and to learn to nurture yourself the way you wanted to be mothered.
By discovering the signs that you are giving too much, how you learnt this and how to unlearn it through a revealing and nourishing exercise, we then enjoyed a beautiful meditation, just for this event. Just imagine how your life can be improved by this! The evening was completed by creating a personal strategy of self care. How much fun and nourishment is that?!
And it is always so wonderful to be in the company of such generous spirits questing to do life better, for themselves and for the benefit of others….just like You!
Do You Give TOO Much? Are You An Over Giver?
So how do you know you are over giving?
Do you feel unappreciated, taken for granted, under resourced and begin to grudge what you do for others?
When you are normally a big-hearted people person do you find you want to hide from everyone, feel antisocial, and even get cranky with the people you love most?
Then You are OVER giving.
One of the passages we use to explain this in Ignite Your Heart, right before we work through a process to help you let go of this behaviour that no longer works for you, is from one of my favourite books by Don Miguel Ruiz, The Mastery of Love,
“ To master a relationship is all about you. The first step is to become aware, to know that everyone dreams his own dream. Once you know this, you can be responsible for your half of the relationship, which is you. If you know that you are only responsible for half of the relationship, you can easily control your half. It is not up to us to control the other half. If we respect, we know that our partner, or friend, or son, or mother, is completely responsible for his or her own half. If we respect the other half, there is always going to be peace in that relationship. There is no war.”
Imagine a line in the sand and on one side of the line is yourself, on the other side your Mother, boss, colleague, friend, child, lover…one of the key people you are in relationship with. Your job is to do your half of the relationship.
Yet many over-givers continue to give until they step well over the line and are doing their own and the other person’s part of the relationship.
Then they wonder why the other person is not showing up in the relationship. There is no room for them to do so! And why do they need to? You are doing their half too!
So back up, step over to your side of the relationship.
If they meet you at the line, then you have the beginnings of a healthy relationship. If they don’t then they are telling you about their levels of commitment and respect to You and the Relationship.
Doing more than your half of the relationship is tiring, time consuming, messes with your head and does something you may not expect:
Every time you are doing more than your half of the relationship, every time you step in and rescue…you are robbing the other person of their lesson.
And the next time the lesson comes around it gets harder, and then harder again. Ask parents of children in debt that ‘help them out’ without holding them accountable. They accrue more debt. There are millions of these examples. What’s yours?
Focus on Your half of the relationship. Respect the other half. Create your own peace: your own and Peace within the relationship.
What do you with your time instead of rescuing or doing more than your half of the relationship?
You can NOW get REALLY Interested in You!!
You could start by writing your Visions of Your Future, your feelings and thoughts in a journal, or meditate so you can become more aware of what you really feel and think…underneath all the surface stuff. BONUS! You may find out you are a LOT more interesting than you think !
It’s all about learning to Know Thyself.
Write a list of what you really love or of your dreams, and start researching about them. If this increases your interest, follow through – start by doing a class, or meeting people who do that thing you love.
Finding JOY in life is the juice that helps to fill that feeling of unappreciated fatigue.
It’s important because it’s YOUR Life, start NOW!
As your interest in You grows, other’s interest in you grows.
As you treat yourself with kindness and respect, others will follow your example and treat you with kindness and respect.
And it may inspire them to treat themselves with kindness and respect, or not. That’s their stuff.
Create a Self Care Strategy
When you are ready, headhold and breathe in for 4, hold for 2, out for 4, hold for 2 and repeat 9 times to create deep relaxation (also great Self Care!)
Then grab a notebook and start to jot down things you can do when you feel tired, cranky, drained, antisocial and want to get back in the groove by reminding yourself you are loved. It could include:
Give Yourself the Gift of Time
20 minutes in the morning to yourself. This will reset your internal clock and stop you chasing time. It’s MOST important when you feel there is not enough time in the day. Spend 20 minutes in nature or watching nature from your house/ office/ car. Practice your breathing, noticing the birds, the plants, the seasons, how things are changing…no emails, phones, people interruptions, radio, tv….just you and nature. And every time you go to get up and do something stop and breathe and focus on nature again. 20 minutes uninterrupted time with yourself…notice your aches and pains, notice what you feel and where it sits in your body when you think of particular people, events, tasks/ responsibilities in your life. What do you need to do about that? Notice. Your body has an innate intelligence. 20 minutes to You each day will encourage it to talk to you.
Build Your Self Trust
Never make an agreement with yourself without following it through. If there is a remote chance you won’t do it, stop. Only make agreements with yourself that you will honour, like making an appointment with your boss or me. You make the appointment, you expect you will show up. Start showing up in your life with You, write down your agreement in your diary and DO It. Watch your trust in yourself grow. Then the world is yours.
A 30 minute Walk
Walking in nature daily grounds you, heals and cheers you. It keeps your perspective connected to a bigger world ( Mother Nature) rather than your worries. Nature just keeps going. The worries come and go. It’s good to be reminded of a bigger picture. Do It. Or not. Just no more empty promises.
Latest research tells us we need 8 hugs x 30 second hugs each day, so top up with self hugs. Pretend you like the person you are hugging, even imagine it’s someone you like then ‘paste’ your face on the image. Breathe in the hug, imagine a colour and then fill your body with the colour. Top this off by …
Talking Nicely to Yourself
Get THIS. You are with You, in Your head for the rest of Your Life. The next 50, 60, 70, 80 or 90 years! Do you really want to be running that old, beaten uninspired recording in your head for that long? You know..the one about your weight, your looks, your intelligence, your social skills, what others think of you. SO yesterday! Start to talk to yourself like you care. It’s a good start to a 50 ++year relationship. Then get curious. Then get kind. With yourself, To Yourself. Start NOW.
Write a list of short and sweet affirmations
“ I am …awesome/ beautiful/ loved/ loving/ fulfilled/ happy/ etc” when you are feeling great so when you feel drained you can flick to the notebook, select an affirmation and repeat it 3 times while you look at yourself in the mirror. Repeat 3 times a day for a week. This technique was, with many others, made popular by self help publisher and guru Louise Hay. Read her many books including You Can Heal Your Life and You Can Have an Exceptional Life ( co-authored with Cheryl Richardson) for more.
Cheryl Richardson has created a wealth of resources around self care including her books Life Makeovers and The Art of Extreme Self Care…well worth reading and applying to your Life. EnJOY
Remember, WHERE you are in life is only by Choice. Your Choice.
Make it positive and in support of you.
Finding Your Purpose
When was the last time You felt FULL?
Rather than the ‘stuffed like a goose’ at Christmas, I mean the content, peaceful feeling that comes with radiating Happiness and a deep sense of Knowing that everything is happening at the right time and the right place. The sense of Being at One with Life?
Can you remember a time like that? What were you doing? Who with? What gave you that sense of Fulfillment?
Then that is a part of your Life Purpose….make it a part of your Life now.
Never experienced this? Then it is time You did.
Why is It Important?
Have you ever wondered why you were born? What you are here for? What purpose your life serves? What is the meaning of your life?
These questions are the reason it’s important for You to find the answers…only some people ask those questions. And you just did. You do. That means finding the meaning in you life IS important to you.
I have often joked that most people would love for Archangel Michael to appear out of the ether to tell them why they were born. That was part of the popularity of the sorting hat in Harry Potter books…being told who you are at your core.
What I know for sure is that those answers can be found within you, by You.
I have spent 20 years enthralled by the kinesiology process as it helps clients release their stress and defences to reveal their True Nature , who they are in their Heart of Hearts and get them back on track to living a Life that is meaningful – to them.
And during the last 11 years the Living Life Passionately workshop has helped hundreds to find this within themselves…. And then to LIVE it.
Most often Purpose is misperceived to be one singular focus…we can have many Purposes. It’s up to us to find and develop them so we can be fulfilled…filled up.
It’s no secret that I LOVE my Life work and that I LOVE to share the benefits with You.
My passion is that each of You, if you so want it, be doing what You love every moment of the day, doing what fills you up, gives you meaning and adds purpose to your life….helping You to Thrive.
Anytime you are questioning your Life and saying you want MORE or BETTER it is important to remember, before you doubt yourself, that it IS possible.
And that I can help you do it, because I have done this for myself. And helped 100’s of others find their unique solutions to get on track and create MORE and BETTER in their Lives.
And when clients wanted MORE to add to their sessions I created workshops to expand, extend and lift up each participant to create and live the Life they imagined- and SO much more.
If you are serious about creating REAL change in your life THIS is the time to do it.
Don’t know what you want? You’ll find it.
Do know what you want and stuck? You’ll get back on track and into the Flow and THRIVE.
Wishing you the best in Life always,