Quote for the Week

 

“When you have faith in yourself, you follow every instinct that you were born with. You have no doubt about what you are, and you return to common sense. You have all the power of your authenticity; you trust yourself, you trust life.”

– don Miguel Ruiz, Toltec Healer and Master, Author

 

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Feeling Burnt Out?

 

Over the past month my office has been buzzing with clients living on their busy- busy- never stop- always something to do- high adrenals- desperate yet unable to take a deep breath and begin to chill.

 

That’s the beginning of burn out.

 

When they do TRY (adding more stress) to chill, their mind starts a loop of dialogue they find difficult to stop. So their rest is no longer restful and they feel there is always something to do….and get up and do it rather than finding ways to rest.

 

Sound familiar?

 

Part of this stress is because they are OVER Givers.

 

How do you know if you are over giving? Do you feel unappreciated, taken for granted, under resourced and begin to grudge the work you do and those you do it for?

 

When you are normally a big-hearted people person do you find you want to hide from everyone, feel antisocial, and even get cranky with the people you love most?

 

Then You are OVER giving.

 

An exercise we use in the Ignite Your Heart workshop helps to rebalance relationships for the Over-Givers by creating healthier boundaries. As Toltec healer Don Miguel Ruiz explains in one of my favourite books, The Mastery of Love,

 

“To master a relationship is all about you. The first step is to become aware, to know that everyone dreams his own dream. Once you know this, you can be responsible for your half of the relationship, which is you. If you know that you are only responsible for half of the relationship, you can easily control your half. It is not up to us to control the other half. If we respect, we know that our partner, or friend, or son, or mother, is completely responsible for his or her own half. If we respect the other half, there is always going to be peace in that relationship. There is no war.”

 

Exercise:

 

Imagine a line in the sand and on one side of the line is yourself, on the other side your Mother, friend, child, lover…one of the key people you are in relationship with. Your job is to do your half of the relationship.

 

Yet many over givers continue to give until they step well over the line and are doing their own and the others part of the relationship.

 

Then they wonder why the other person is not showing up in the relationship. There is no room for them to do so! And why do they need to? You are doing their half too!

 

So back up, step over to your side of the relationship.

 

If they meet you at the line, then you have the beginnings of a healthy relationship. If they don’t then they are telling you about their levels of commitment and respect to You and the Relationship.

 

Doing more than your half of the relationship is tiring, time consuming, messes with your head and does something you may not expect:

 

Every time you are doing more than your half of the relationship, every time you step in and rescue…you are robbing the other person of their lesson.

 

And the next time the lesson comes around it gets harder, and then harder again. Ask parents of children in debt that ‘help them out’ without holding them accountable. They accrue more debt. There are millions of these examples. What’s yours?

 

Focus on Your half of the relationship. Respect the other half. Create your own peace: your own and Peace within the relationship.

 

Self Care….

What do you with your time instead of rescuing or doing more than your half of the relationship?

 

Get Really Interested in You

Keep daily pages, Meditate, do the Cheryl Richardson questions, learn to Know Thyself.

 

As your interest in You grows, other’s interest in you grows. As you treat yourself with kindness and respect, others will follow your example and treat you with kindness and respect. And it may inspire them to treat themselves with kindness and respect.

 

 

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Create a Self Care Strategy

 

When you are ready, headhold and breathe in for 4, hold for 2, out for 4, hold for 2 and repeat 9 times to create deep relaxation (also great Self Care!)

 

Then grab a notebook and start to jot down things you can do when you feel tired, cranky, drained, antisocial and want to get back in the groove by reminding yourself you are loved. It could include:

 

– Give Yourself the Gift of Time: 20 minutes in the morning to yourself. This will reset your internal clock and stop you chasing time. MOST important when you feel there is not enough time in the day. Spend 20 minutes in nature or watching nature from your house/ office/ car. Practice your breathing, noticing the birds, the plants, the seasons, how things are changing…no emails, phones, people interruptions, radio, tv….just you and nature. And every time you go to get up and do something stop and breathe and focus on nature again. 20 minutes uninterrupted time with yourself…notice your aches and pains, notice what you feel and where it sits in your body when you think of particular people, events, tasks/ responsibilities in your life. What do you need to do about that? Notice. Your body has an innate intelligence. 20 minutes to You each day will encourage it to talk to you.

 

– Build Your Self Trust: Never make an agreement with yourself without following it through. If there is a remote chance you won’t do it, stop. Only make agreements with yourself that you will honour, like making an appointment with your boss or me. You make the appointment, you expect you will show up. Start showing up in your life with You, write down your agreement in your diary and DO It. Watch your trust in yourself grow. Then the world is yours.

 

– A 30 minute walk in nature daily grounds you, heals and cheers you. It keeps your perspective connected to a bigger world ( Mother Nature) rather than your worries. Nature just keeps going. The worries come and go. It’s good to be reminded of a bigger picture. Do It. Or not. Just no more empty promises.

 

– Daily hugs: latest research tells us we need 8 hugs a day, so top up with self hugs. Pretend you like the person you are hugging, even imagine it’s someone you like then ‘paste’ you face on the image. Breath in the hug, imagine a colour and then fill your body with the colour. Top this off by …

 

– Talking nicely to yourself: Get THIS. You are with You, in Your head for the rest of Your Life. The next 50, 60, 70, 80 or 90 years! Do you really want to be running that old, beaten uninspired recording in your head for that long? You know..the one about your weight, your looks, your intelligence, your social skills, what others think of you. SO yesterday! Start to talk to yourself like you care. It’s a good start to a 50 ++year relationship. Then get curious. Then get kind. With yourself, To Yourself. Start NOW.

 

– Write a list of short and sweet affirmations“ I am …awesome/ beautiful/ loved/ loving/ fulfilled/ happy/ etc” when you are feeling great so when you feel drained you can flick to the notebook, select an affirmation and repeat it 3 times while you look at yourself in the mirror. Repeat 3 times a day for a week. This technique was, with many others, made popular by self help publisher and guru Louise Hay. Read her many books including You Can Heal Your Life and You Can Have an Exceptional Life ( co-authored with Cheryl Richardson) for more

 

– Cheryl Richardson has created a wealth of resources around self care including her books Life Makeovers and The Art of Extreme Self Care…well worth reading and applying to your Life. EnJOY!

 

Remember, where you are in life is only by Choice.

 

Your Choice.

 

Make it positive and in support of you.

 

Looking forward to seeing you soon.

Be kind. And True to You,

Deb