Quote for the Week

 

“Our real power is not derived from our positions in life, a hefty bank account, or an impressive career. Instead, it is the expression of that authenticity inside of us, our strength, integrity, and grace externalized. We don’t realize that each of us has the power of the universe within us. We look around and we see others as powerful, we see nature as powerful, we can witness a seed turning into a flower or the sun crossing the sky every day. We even see life created in us, from us. Yet we see ourselves as disconnected from all this power. God did not make nature powerful and man weak. Our power comes from the knowledge that we are unique, and from our understanding that we have the same innate power as all other creations. Our power lies deep within us. It is the power with which we were born. If it has been forgotten, it needs only to be recognized again.”

– Elisabeth Kubler-Ross & David Kessler, Life Lessons

 

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About Grief (Part 2)

 

 

Many thanks to those of you who have contacted me asking for more information about last week’s article on Grief. Here is Part 2…

 

As I moved quickly toward the ringing telephone I knew what the possibilities could be. My favourite Aunt, my best friend, had been hospitalised with leukemia and although she had tried everything she was on a slippery slope.

 

We had already said “Goodbye” the week before but she had rallied. In that vortex of dying, that is the process of someone leaving, the desire to delay departure and the overwhelming need to be optimistic won. So the hammer fell exceptionally hard when the call finally came. My uncle explaining My Aunt had died in the early hours of the morning and advising the preliminary funeral plans.

 

I nodded, put the phone down. Turned to walk down the hallway and felt a primordial groan come from the very centre of my being. My legs lost all function and as I reached for the wall, something strong and immoveable, I slid to the floor. I can still feel the texture of the paint on the wall.The soothing words of my then longterm partner as he held me close were lost to me in the midst of the oceanic roar awash in my head. There was no consoling.

 

From worlds away I faintly heard him telephone his sister in law, still one of my closest friends. She was on her way. When she arrived she put on the kettle, enveloped me in a hug and we sat looking into the middle distance. And sat. For hours. It was one of the most loving acts I have had the privilege to receive. Just Being.

 

Grief.

 

It can strike suddenly. Or slowly envelope you like the process of watching parents age from their strong and vital switched on selves to find them less mobile and their brain less agile, grieving their frustration, poor memory, lost time and the pain of realisation of their, and your, mortally.

 

It is grieving we experience as we become aware of the gradual wearing away of tender embraces, moments in time and dreams of the future as a relationship decays for lack of loving attention, time and nurturing into the potential it had in the beginning. Other things have taken priority and the unaddressed hurts become overwhelming. It feels easier to avoid the pain and deny the loss.

 

I have known strong, motivated, invincible women to take to their bed for a month when their husbands have left incapable of a putting on a load of washing. What washing? What mess? Grief.

 

Others, both men and women, years after the event unable to listen to ‘ their music ‘. Grief.

 

I have been witness to the raging, depression, denial and the attempts of bargaining with the Self to make sense of the loss of a relationship….” If only I ….”

 

All while looking into the middle distance. It feels safer there. Present time is painful. As the awareness creeps in that The Loss creates changes in Lifestyle, we need to adapt. Life needs re-organising, strategising. Our dreams need re-jigging. As we adapt to the Loss we start to Accept the new life waiting for us, how we approach it and what we do with it. Adaption can take a nano-second, or a life-time. We have that Choice.

 

The foundation of the work I do is based on the homeopathic principle integrated into Neuro- Training Kinesiology: the way we think, what we think or dwell on affects the way we feel emotionally and that affects the body’s energy to be active or not…including whether we develop symptoms or create health.

 

Add to this the understanding in Chinese medicine that each organ in the body stores and processes particular emotions and that each Season cleans up and re-vitalises particular organ energy.

 

Autumn is the season that affects lung and large intestine energy, as it processes the unexpressed feelings of Grief and Guilt.

 

eg: Feeling fuzzy in the head can be an indicator that large intestine energy is out of balance and can be creating gut problems like constipation, diahhrrea and IBS.

 

It is with the tools of Neuro-training Kinesiology that we can determine what is going on and your solutions to create balance and health.

 

Clients have been reporting sudden wells of sadness and loss, feeling lost, dreams about old jobs, old bosses, old relationships, other random times in the past…it’s part of the Autumnal healing process of Grief and Guilt.

 

 

Are You Cleaning Up/ Clearing Out Too?

 

Mentally: the way your think, what you think about so you can develop new habits and ways of thinking about things

 

Emotionally: old feelings, old heart aches to make room for new and better relationships

 

Physically: experiencing lung conditions like colds/ flu, gut problems, feeling exhausted and clearing out the cupboards

 

Energetically: feeling extra sensitive to other people’s moods/energy.

 

As you finish your unfinished “business” of Grief and Guilt you can begin to make sense of the loss, the circumstances around the loss and begin to move forward again.

 

The Swiss psychologist Elisabeth Kubler Ross whose research included identifying the 5 Stages of Grief as Anger, Denial, Bargaining and Acceptance are all part of the grieving process as well as Sadness/ Depression. Kubler Ross recognized the process as non- linear, ie. it can take any order at any time. She also expanded the definition of Grief to include any form of personal loss such as the death of a love one, the loss of a job or income, major rejection, the end of a relationship or divorce and minor losses (like the car keys).

 

Grief is a gradual process, we do it in stages. When the loss first occurs we have little time and energy to get things sorted and to get back on deck to pay the bills and keep the wheels turning. So we do it in increments, ie. when we have the energy to heal. As we are doing this we can also feel very heavy, stuck and at a loss. As we heal we begin to become lighter and more energised.

 

 

Our society has difficulty dealing with death, dying and loss even though it is a certain part of Life. We are taught expression of any deep feeling is unacceptable. We feel uncomfortable in the presence of those grieving.

 

Those that are grieving learn to suppress their feelings using a variety of methods starting with internally blocking the thought or feeling, “pushing it down/ away”, “Sucking it Up” and “getting on with it”.

 

Medicating to stop the feelings with anti-depressants and self- medicating to numb the feelings are now socially acceptable…. fatty foods, sugary foods, alcohol and party drugs are all consumed to numb emotional pain.

 

The question rarely asked is “Where do the feelings go if they are no longer expressed?”

 

They wait for a time when the anti-depressants stop, when you stop the sugar, the alcohol, the party drugs and the food that numbs you….it waits for you to deal, release and heal so you can experience the exhillaration, the fear, the joy, the pain, the happiness, the bliss that is life.

 

 

Loss is a part of life….car keys, your jumper at school, “ your head if it wasn’t screwed on” all practice for the biggies that come no matter hard we try to avoid them…the loss of a pet, a sibling, a friendship, a parent, your job, your relationship.

 

That can also include the perceived loss of your self, the way you look at life, your hopes and dreams.

 

Unexpressed Grief and other intense emotions can create imbalances, discomfort and symptoms in the body often described as “Stress Related Illness”.

 

We all want to be happy. To experience joy and love and the depth of positive emotions. To do so it is important to find ways that assist you to express, process, release and heal Grief…one step at a time. And Autumn energy assists you to do so. And I am here to help you through this process.

 

Revisit the Autumn Equinox exercise in the last Breathe Newsletter to start the process of releasing the thoughts and feelings that you have suppressed so you can get back in the Flow and LIVE the Life You are Meant to Be Living.

 

The Life that is Meaningful to You.

 

 

Looking forward to seeing you soon.

Be kind. And True to You,

Deb