What You Focus on Grows

In a media-filled world with silly, disrespectful and poor role models of manhood and fatherhood I am so fortunate and grateful to do the work I do with the men and father’s that choose to work with me.

 

They quest to be more Present, Calm, Connected and Aware of who their children truly are.

To become the kind of Father they want to Be.

Living the Values they want to emulate and teach their Children.

So they can help their children to love, accept and fulfill their true selves.

 

Our parents teach us how to, and how not to, do life.

 

As adults we can react/ act out against the way we were parented.

 

Or we can choose to admire/ emulate their strengths and accept then let go of their limitations. For our own health and peace of mind.

 

The moment in childhood we put them on pedestals and treated them as our Hero we forgot to forgive them (and ourselves) when they were human.

 

As an adult you now have that Choice.

 

Play to the strengths of your genetics and let go of the limitations.

Be Your True You.

What You Focus on Grows.

 

Happy Father’s Day to You and Yours!

 

Be kind. And True to You,

Deb

 

A 5 Minute Moment

 

For all the things I learnt to let go when I discovered my dad was human, I love the strengths he shared by living. Doing it. Being an example to us.

 

When he was made coach of the NSW Schoolboys Basketball team in the 1960’s he sent to the USA for films (on reels like the old cinemas) of the best teams at the time. On team training nights they would get together to study the tactics, along with a LOT of sports psychology.

 

He taught them the game was won or lost by the way they were thinking.

 

Dad, a considered, quietly spoken mathematician and educator, asked if we could have “a talk” when I was 17 year. I gulped. Then breathed as he asked,

“ Now Deborah, you are a highly intelligent girl, ( Couldn’t resist telling you that, anyway back to the story). There is something I would like you to explain to me”. I gulped again.

 

“ This fascination you have with astrology, you clearly believe it works. I would like to understand why.”

 

I started with “ The 3 Wise Men and Christ were astrologers Dad”, working on the strategy that he couldn’t argue with Them. Then explained some of what I had learnt from the astrology textbooks I’d collected. He remained unconvinced even when I finished with, “ Well, it’s actually all mathematics Dad”, yet he was happy for the explanation.

 

Decades later my parents were building a new home in the country. They would visit to inspect the building progress and stay at a little motel close by. Over time Dad got chatting with another regular visitor and after a long after dinner discussion called me the next morning.

 

“ I get it now Love”, he started.

“What’s that Dad?”

“ Your love of astrology. You said it made sense of the chaos.”

“ Okay…I can’t remember but it sounds like me. What made you believe in astrology?”

“Oh, I don’t. I had this very interesting conversation after dinner last night with the elderly gentleman who has been staying here too. It was about Numerology. Very interesting. You should look into that. I think he’s onto something. We are going to a talk about it more tonight.”

 

When the student is ready the teacher arrives.

 

Quote of the Week

 

“If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.”

– Wayne Dyer  1940-2015

 

It’s Time to Celebrate the Dads!

 

I see so many amazing dads and step dads in clinic and workshops…wanting to be their best selves, learning to leave the office at the office and BE PRESENT in the lives of their children and BE positive, loving role models.

 

1. To those of you celebrating Fathers’ Day this Sunday, please take time to: Be grateful for the Fathering/ Male Energy that has influenced you to be the type of Father you are…either by showing you how or how not to do it.

2. Consider that the power of influence is subtle and comes with true presence of BEing with the children in your life.

 

Want some help with that? An extra tool in your tool box?

 

2 Step Exercise to Be MORE Present with Your Kids…

 

This is actually an exercise for everyone to do daily…

 

It’s the Dad’s in particular that report back this exercise is VERY rewarding.

It’s also a great way to reward Values that are important to you.

 

AND it’s great to do at bedtime for a great night sleep!

Everything You do in this exercise, get the Kids to do…

 

Step One: Start with head holding and breathing at Bedtime

 

1. Drink some water – roll it around your mouth then swallow.

2. Take a 2nd mouthful as normal and swallow.

3. Place your full palm across your forehead

4. Place your other hand across the bump at the base of your skull (where your head joins your neck.)

5. This Breathing Technique: takes you to a deeper relaxation more easily and quickly….

6. Through your nose if you can…Breathe in for 4, hold for 2, Out for 4, Hold for 2.

7. Repeat this cycle 9 times.

8. Clients tell me that by the 3rd rep they want to kill me or stop doing the exercise.

9. By the 6th rep  they are glad they persevered but still want to stop.

10. By the 9th rep you ‘get it’…calm, present and clarity returns.

 

Step Two: The Proud and Gratitude Exercise…

 

Now that the brain is Present…and in bed wanting to go to sleep it is starting to do that, ASK your child/ren…

 

Dad:” What is two/ three things you have done today that you are Proud of? ”

It could be “helped Mummy”, “Was nice to …”, “ cleaned my room”… etc

 

This could also be the time to ask “What is one thing you are most grateful for? “

 

Dad: “How did you feel when you did that? Is it worth a hug? Yay! “

BIG Self Hug first: This helps you teach your child to do what makes them feel good on the inside first- what raises their spirit up.

 

So when they get into those tricky situations with their friends later, or around strangers they KNOW what’s right and wrong. From the inside out.

 

Then BIG family hug.

 

WARNING: Be ready to answer the question “What have You done today that you’re proud of Daddy?” BE honest- they can feel it when you are bluffing, and it will negate all the good work you are doing here.

 

Practice daily.

 

The Proud Exercise keeps us moving toward the type of person we want to be, doing what that person would do.

 

A great exercise for the EVERYONE to do!