There are NO “Accidents”. Are You Listening to Your Needs?
There are NO Accidents
I received a sms this week from a long term client from her hospital bed. The ‘accident’ had broken her wrist, cracked her ribs and her pelvis. She had remembered many years ago I had broken an ankle then badly sprained the other ankle within 3 months of each other. I had written an article about it in the newsletter and she was drawing on the insights I received as a part of the learning and healing process and wanted some clarification.
” My first thought after the accident was, “Why Me?” and I remembered you saying “Why Me?” will keep us stuck. I had been practicing stopping asking myself “Why me?” for a while, so I moved thorough that very quickly. “
I then asked myself ” Why does this keep happening?” because I didn’t want to accept it. “Why am I so stupid? Why didn’t I do …? Why did I take the wrong step?” so I was beating myself up a bit and realised it wasn’t working for me 🙂 What was good was that I moved through it more quickly than I have done in the past. I knew it happened for a reason. So I started to ask myself “How do I get better?” Then I remembered your article last year about focusing on solutions rather than the battle, and stepping up and outside of the battle so you can see the bigger picture. So I’ve been doing that and thought I’d contact you :)”
Good thought. Excellent Choice. When we make positive choices that we in support of ourselves it takes the brain out of stress and struggle and gives it the energy to create new solutions.
I asked if she was Present at the time of the ‘accident’?
” I was thinking of everything I had to do in the time I had”. It became clearer to both of us that as a reaction she was hurrying, over-stretching and not Present.
” How long has this been going on?” I asked. She laughed.
“Okay, so what was your Inner Voice saying? What were you ignoring and “numbing”? ” I asked.
” Everything will get done in time. You have help waiting. Ask for help. Take time to look after me too. Messages like that. But I ignored them. “
” Okay, so how’s that working for you?( chuckle) ” I responded.
” (Chuckle chuckle) Not so good.”
“So what’s your new Choice?”
” I will listen better.”
” Breeeathe.”
We further discussed how pain comes into our lives when we are ignoring the message. It’s the brain’s way of saying “HOLD ON NOW! If you won’t listen to me when I am delivering the message lovingly, and repeating it over and over again…it’s time you STOP and pay attention.” Which is precisely what pain causes you to do. Any type of pain.
Insight and looking at the BIG Picture will shift the old patterns and pain.
Imagine that you are taking yourself to the top of the bleachers and look at the game of your life from up there…big picture.
Notice what plays, passes and strategies are working and help you kick the goal or get the ball over the line. Notice what used to work and no longer works. Notice what new strategies need to be introduced.
This Insight gets you out of feeling ‘stuck’, ‘desperate’, “depressed’ and “Why Me?”. It gets you out of the rut.
Insight puts the ball, known as Choice, back in your hands. So you have the Choice to stomp off the field and take it home. Which is actually playing in a different way.
Or you can make the Choice to get back in the game, do things differently and create different outcomes. Moving toward the goal line of living the life you are meant to be living. The life that is meaningful to you.
When your brain has created pain to call you to pay attention, it’s time to utilize all Your self-knowledge and awareness from the tools, techniques, meditations and exercises you have gathered from your Personal Consultations, the Breathe Newsletters,the classes and workshops I teach…like writing and ripping.
Or Head Holding and Breathing…which for the first 9 breaths is connecting your cerebral brain with the gut (enteric) brain via the vagus nerve so you can release the stress of the past, be Present and begin to envision the Future you want to be living.
Initially, of course, all these tools help create calm, focus and clarity in the immediate situation.
With practice they can then take you to the next level of self-understanding, to “Know Thyself”.
If you make the Choice.
That way, just as you know you are hungry and need to eat, or thirsty and need to drink you can use these tools to ‘tune in’ to your higher self/ your heart and find out what purpose the pain is serving from your stress, your broken bones, swollen ankle, back ache or heart ache.
Then discover what you need to do to heal it or let it go. The insight provides the energy to do it.
Just by making the Choice to step out of your ‘stuff’, stop focusing on the pain and the symptoms. They are giving you the time and space to do this. Without the pain you would be keeping yourself distracted with other things rather than listening and noticing what you really want in your life.
You can then begin to Ask and Listen to Your Life. Your innate intelligence is telling you to pay attention, what to stop, do things differently and that will change the outcome.
These positive choices will re-wire your brain, leaving the past in the past so you can move toward and LIVE the Life that is meaningful to You.
Start by doing the write and rip daily.
Then HHB and after the 9th breath begin to imagine LIVING what you do want, how that looks, smells, tastes, feels, Breathe it into every cell. And amplify the emotions. Stronger and stronger. Breathe that in too.
Now ask “What do I need to know/ do to release the pain and progress with ease?”
When you finish write it all down. The brain loves detail. Repeat daily. Practice creates the Master.
Have faith. Believe. When you are seeking solutions, You are on track.
Keep doing the work. What You Focus on Grows. You are getting brain fit.
Now you have the Choice to do it pain free.
Looking forward to seeing you in an Personal Consultation, workshop or class soon.
Are You Listening to Your Needs?
Are You feeling burdened, undervalued or depleted by what you are doing for your friends, colleagues or family?
Then you are giving too much and breaching Your Boundaries.
SO many people I see put others before themselves to their own detriment. Even Mother Theresa LOVED what she did and never felt this way.
When you DO sacrifice or martyrdom or go into ‘have to’ mode others feel the pain of the sacrifice rather than the JOY of the act of giving and love….which is why you helped in the first place. So Stop!
Remember, on planes they tell parents that in the case of emergency to put the mask on themselves before the kids because they are no good to their kids dead.
There is another reason to do this… others will only treat you the way you treat yourself. If they love you they will do just 10% more and you will consider them wonderful. So raise the bar! Show the world what you are worth by treating yourself with respect.
How?
- Treat you body like a temple, give it the respect it deserves and consume only what honors and adds energy to your life force.
- Respect your wisdom, your feelings and ability to create solutions: listen and act on your Inner Voice. Your Inner Voice is a loving, supportive and positive voice. Make room for it by saying “NO!” every time your hear the negative voice of ego, that is fed by fear and puts you down.
- What you Focus on Grows…when you listen and act on your Inner Voice it strengthens your self esteem, self worth and self value. Your self confidence grows. So when you are seeking solutions you can listen to the voice that you have learnt to trust. Your Inner Voice.
- Make a promise to yourself and keep it: every time you break a promise to yourself like ” I’ll get up at 6am and go for a walk” or ” Tomorrrow I’ll cut out coffee” or “I’ll leave work each night at 6pm and go to class/ eat well/ rest/ meditate”, you begin to disbelieve and lose trust in yourself. And if you break the promise to do something for someone else you begin to believe other people are more important than you. So when you want to make a Choice that is positive and in support of you, your brain say “Really? What is that? What does that feel like?”
- Record your promises to yourself in your schedule or diary. Create a 24 hour cancellation policy with yourself. If it’s worthy of the cost to you, then pay it. Otherwise no changes within 24 hours. Honour and respect your positive choices so you can train your brain to do the same.
- Want help to do this? To release the feelings, find the energy and create new boundaries and ways of helping and supporting yourself? Contact me to book, reboot and get back on track. In the meantime…
Create a Self Care Strategy
When you are ready, headhold and breathe in for 4, hold for 2, out for 4, hold for 2 and repeat 9 times to create deep relaxation (also great Self Care!)
Then grab a notebook and start to jot down things you can do when you feel tired, cranky, drained, antisocial and want to get back in the groove by reminding yourself you are loved. It could include:
- Give Yourself the Gift of Time: 20 minutes in the morning to yourself. This will reset your internal clock and stop you chasing time. MOST important when you feel there is not enough time in the day….How? Spend 20 minutes in nature or watching nature from your house/ office/ car. Practice your breathing, noticing the birds, the plants, the seasons, how things are changing…no emails, phones, people interruptions, radio, tv….just you and nature. Every time you go to get up and do something stop and breathe and focus on nature again. 20 minutes uninterrupted time with yourself…notice your aches and pains, notice what you feel and where it sits in your body when you think of particular people, events, tasks/ responsibilities in your life. What do you need to do about that? Notice. Your body has an innate intelligence. 20 minutes to You each day will encourage it to talk to you.
- Create a basket filled with things you love to do that help you remember who you are: your ipod with your all-time favourite music, favourite movies, books, hand cream/ body mosturiser, bubble bath, perfume, underwear, pjs…you get the picture. When we are overwhelmed by fatigue or emotion it’s great to have a go-to-resource that you can riffle through to help nurture and nourish yourself from the inside out.
- A 30 minute walk in nature daily grounds you, heals and cheers you. It keeps your perspective connected to a bigger world ( Mother Nature) rather than your worries. Nature just keeps going. The worries come and go. It’s good to be reminded of a bigger picture. Do It. Or not. Just no more empty promises.
- Daily hugs: latest research tells us we need 8 x 8 second hugs a day, so top up with self hugs. Pretend you like the person you are hugging, even imagine it’s someone you like then ‘paste’ you face on the image. Breath in the hug, imagine a colour and then fill your body with the colour. Top this off by …
- Talking nicely to yourself: Get THIS! You are with You, in Your head for the rest of Your Life. The next 50, 60, 70, 80 or 90 years! Do you really want to be running that old, beaten uninspired recording in your head for that long? You know..the one about your weight, your looks, your intelligence, your social skills, what others think of you. SO yesterday! Start to talk to yourself like you care. It’s a good start to a 50 ++year relationship. Then get curious. Then get kind. With yourself, To Yourself. Start NOW.
- Leading on from that, include songs in your playlist with POSITIVE Lyrics and Visions like:
I’d LOVE to hear your suggestions to add to this Playlist! Send them in!
- Write a list of short and sweet affirmations“ I am …awesome/ beautiful/ loved/ loving/ fulfilled/ happy/ etc” when you are feeling great so when you feel drained you can flick to the notebook, select an affirmation and repeat it 3 times while you look at yourself in the mirror. Repeat 3 times, once a day for a week. This technique was, with many others, made popular by self help publisher and guru Louise Hay. Read her many books including You Can Heal Your Life and You Can Have an Exceptional Life ( co-authored with Cheryl Richardson) for more.
Remember, where you are in life is only by Choice.
Your Choice.
Make it positive and in support of you.
Looking forward to hearing from you or seeing you soon.
Be kind. And True to You,
Deb